Friday, December 31, 2010

Favorite Photo of 2010

Favorite Memory of 2010

Hi everyone! I can not believe 2010 is nearly over. Where do I begin about this exciting and terrifying year. Lets see... Beginning of the year I was seeking God about Bible college and my momma quit chemo. I got accepted into Bible college in the Spring. Graduated in May :) Had a summer of tough lessons and had to let go of a very special person of my life. Moved in with my Co-Pastor and his family. Started working full time at the local tire shop. Totaled my car (Yea, I didn't blog about it but lets just say I flipped into a ditch and landed upside down, walked away with soreness, a broke nail, and a few bruises on my leg.. God's amazing faithfulness) But my favorite memory of the whole year... Let's see I have a lot. But the one I am going to share is bittersweet.

About two weeks before my Momma passed she had my daddy buy her a wedding dress from a local boutique. See she wanted to re-marry him on their 25th wedding anniversary (this year was their 21st) The dress was way too small for her but she put it on anyways. Later she had me put on the dress (I could not fit it either) but she told me "You are going to make a beautiful Bride."

Memories do not have to be necessarily full of happiness to be treasured so close to the heart. I have many memories of this year that I fill my heart with sadness and a tinge of joy around the edges. Through all of this year I have learned many important lessons of growing up and taking responsibility. I have been at times "floating on top of the clouds" and at other times "buried in grief. "

I could not have made it if it was not for Jesus. My steady Rock that has held me firmly. Through all my wrongs and dissapointments. To the joyful, amazing moments. I do not want to miss out on the rest of my journey.

I do not know what 2011 will bring. I can firmly say that Jesus does :)

Happy New Year,

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

1st Christmas & Remembering

This year was my family's first Christmas without my Beautiful. Precious Momma. But as I read in someone's elses blog. She is spending Christmas with Jesus. Her love for the Lord was so passionate. I remember a time even though she must have been in a lot of pain. ( I think she sheltered a lot of times how much she must have hurt) But she got on her knees and prayed. Her courage lives on in my heart. Touching Jesus was all that mattered to her. I remember a couple of days before she passed we nearly lost her. Our double wide filled with all sorts of family, the room was filled with doubt. As I was and a few other people were holding on for a miracle. I remember leaving for church and telling that room of people I had faith and they better get some or something to that effect. It no longer matters to me what I said. The night before she passed away I came in from church ( We were having a Youth Explosion which we did not stop despite the fact of my momma's sickness and even her passing each night we were in service.. I did not want to stop. I knew my mom would want us to have church) I told her that we were going to make it and she said "Of course" Throughout everything she wanted me to talk Faith. Even when hospice came she reassured me they were only going to help, that it did not mean she was going to die. I was angered nearly every time a hospice nurse visited. I remember one day in particular. The hospice nurse was asking all sorts of questions. Even though my momma was laying there on the couch sleeping she asked what funeral home we would be using. Oh. My.Word. I know the lady was just doing her job. But for pete's sake! My momma held on to faith so strongly. She came to the Youth Explosion four days before her passing I believe. Even though she sat in the van (We were outside in a tent) My pastor prayed for her and told her to believe for God's healing and to confess her healing. She did of course even though she was half out of it with medicine. These are bittersweet memories. I cry because I miss her so much and at the same time I am impacted by her love for Jesus. I know she got her healing. Just in a way I did not want. Some days I think of the last few weeks of her life and they play continually in my mind. I try not to think of the day she went home. It was a day of shock and I comforted other people that whole weekend. Her life was definitely celebrated in that weekend. Only God gave me the strength to face it. She was truly my best friend. I wanted to share some photos I took last Christmas of her.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Treasure Just in Reach

I know it is hard for all of us at times on this path God has chosen.. At times you feel like that you could give up. The world seems to offer you better things.. But you know deep within your heart those things are only temporary. Last week my Co-Pastor read something to me that "stuck in my crawl" so to speak. I will tell it to the best of my memory. (True story) This man was in his early thirties and I can't remember exactly how he ended up in the hospital. But he died.. He saw himself on the table as he went up. He found himself surrounded by all these rooms. An angel came to him and started showing him the rooms. They were filled with diamonds and all sorts of precious jewels. The man asked the angel what all these were for. The angel told him that it was the treasure to be given to God's servants.. but they gave up right before they were to recieve it.

I have to say that it really struck a chord in my heart. Yes, waiting on what step to take in life next is hard. Yes, waiting for God to give me a husband is hard. Yes, living without my precious mother is hard. But I have to remember God has a plan in all this. I will recieve the promises He has promised. I can not give up so easily.. God's treasure is just in reach. I will trust Him. Because even though on my toughest of days.. I am a jewel in His crown. I will trust Him because He is worthy... He hasn't forgotten you dear Lady of God. He loves you and understands when nobody does. He knows the depth of your heart and the thoughts that you think. And yet He still chases you with reckless Love. Oh me, wow.. when I think about it.. It makes my heart want to burst with all sorts of emotions! Oh how He loves us...